In the beginning Bryan was the troubled teenager who smoked, cut and drank his way through life. He came off as a immature person who didn't know how to handle situations in a calm manner. He went through two years of his life not giving two shits about anything. Yet, this was just in the beginning.
Bryan met a homeless teenager named Chris and overtime their relationship grew very strong. But, love was the one thing that Bryan had feared the most. So, when he thought that Chris had left and moved on with his life he became devastated. That night Bryan had left a note for Jessie,he took a handful of painkillers and finished off the bottle of vodka. As he lay in his bed he repeatedly would say " I have nothing to loose. I have nothing to fear. I'm just trying to disappear. I am not scared. I am just, simply vanishing myself." In the morning he was rushed to the hospital and his cuts were found, instantly they claimed that his suicide attempt was known as a "psychotic episode." So, in following this they sent him to a psychiatric ward for evaluation. In the time that was spent in the psychiatric ward Bryan learned alot about himself, his therapist told him to write his feelings instead of holding them in and in doing this, it worked wonders for him.
Furthermore, Bryan's relationship has grown wonders between his mother as well as Jessie. Jessie thought it was time for Bryan's mother to know the truth. Bryan had kept Michelle's secret for a very long time and he felt for the sake of his family it was time.
The note read, " Dear Mom, you said to me that there are things a mother should never have to tell a son. Well, you were right. There are also things a son should never have to tell a mother, but i have to tell you this. It might come to a big surprise to you to know that Michelle wasn't perfect. Dad thought she was or at least that's how it seemed to me, and maybe that caused a lot of problems. Michelle protected me, in a way she protected us both and she did this by standing up to dad and that's only something i have just learned. She took his negative criticism and turned it into humour. But, but all of those actions took their toll on her. She hated the way dad mistreated us, she hated the control. I used to hate you because you never protected me. Michelle told me why, but i still couldn't stop blaming you. Michelle dealt with dads abuse in her own way. She cut herself, and sometimes i watched, but not often, i did it too. She said " At least this way you can be in control of who hurts you." It made sense. Dad caught Michelle one day.
We were both in her room and we thought we had the house to ourselves. Michelle always turned the music up really loud if nobody was home, but dad arrived home earlier than she'd expected. I was only about eleven, so Michelle was already fifteen. If she hadn't had the music on full blast, we would have heard Dad calling, and we would have heard him climbing the stairs to look for us.
We didn't hear a thing until her door flew open and Dad towered over us. He'd come up to tell us to keep the noise down, but when he saw what Michelle was doing to her arm, he went nuts.
For once, it wasn't my entire fault. Still, he sent a few kicks my way and of course that set Michelle off. She lost it- she flung herself at him. Of course Dad was bigger and stronger and crazier- he let Michelle have it - but he didn't hit her in places that anyone would ever see.
Dad threatened both of us, scared us out of telling you what happened -scared us into a silence that has lasted all of these years. After that, she cut more. She changed. Around you and Dad, she kept up and act,but i saw her become aloof, bitter,cynical and she started drinking. I know this is hard to her Mom , but its time you know the truth. Michelle could hide her depression, but i couldn't, so i looked like the weird one. Dad and you concentrated on me. Michelle barley got noticed. I didn't know what to do. I just got to hate myself more and more. You can see why, Mom.
She started talking about death all the time. "One of these days, I'm going to kill myself," she would say. "That will teach Dad." I never took her seriously, even though she started to hurt herself to hurt herself more and more, and they weren't always surface wounds. She made me promise to keep her secret, and i have, right up until now. The night she died i knew for a while that Michelle didn't plan to live a long life. My intuition told me to get out of the house; something about her mood that day made me think she'd hit the wall. I didn't have the guts to be with my only sister when she was planning to take her own life. So, that night i went to the party with Jessie and i couldn't get Michelle off my mind. I started to panic, that's why i called the house to say i needed a ride home this way i could get Michelle out of the house, i thought if i got her out of the house it would make it better. Michelle came to the party but she had a drink or two before i could even say lets go. Michelle is sitting on the couch, her head bent over a guitar and every so often she pauses for a drag of her smoke or a mouthful of beer. By this time i had given up on trying to convience her to leave. I know once the music takes her over, there is nothing to do but wait until she is ready. You see, Mom, i thought if i could talk to her.I could save her. I thought, I meant that much to her. "
Michelle said to Brayn the night before she died " I don't want to get into any type of detail , but in the event that something happens to me, I've left a note. Its in the back of Rosa Hurricane" (Michelle's guitar). Bryan pulled out the note and it read " Bryan, little bro if you are reading this, it means that i have finally achieved my goal. Please don't cry- I'm where i want to be -i don't believe in a afterlife. I don't believe there is a God, but i believe that by breaking my connection with the physical world, i will merge with earth and sky, freeing me from the imprisonment of my body.
I havent decided yet how or when, but i want you to know that there are no accidents. The world is a shitty and i dont feeli anything anymore. Except really bad about leaving you. My Rosa Hurricane is yours. I dont care about anything else. Ill try not to leave a mess.
I guess you want reasons. I cant explain it all but ill give you something. I hate myslef. I hate myslef for dragging you down with me. I hate myself for asking you to keep a promise when i know secrets are the worst things. I should have never gotten you into hurting your slef.
I guess i am a coward. I know you. Dad will find some way to make you responsible for my death-and you'll juts go along with it . I've come to realize that nothing is as it seems. You have covered for me, protected me , but not vice versa. I'm sorry. One piece of advice: stand up for yourself, especially to Dad.
Tell Mom I'm sorry. And that i love you both.
Michelle.
Bryan had given this note to his Mother, even though it was painful it gave them both a sense of rebirth and time to heal, for a new beginning.
I really enjoyed reading this book it was very intriguing and related alot to certain teenagers life because alot of teens have gone or are going through this right now and its sad because we don't bother to turn an eye to it and that's the biggest problem.
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